Here’s How I Overcome My Self-Doubt About Writing

As I watched the Olympians strive to fulfil their dreams of gold in Tokyo, I couldn’t help wondering how many of them still struggle with self-doubt.

Image from Unsplash.com

My self-doubt is linked to my fear of rejection — the curse of many writers — and after more than a decade in the industry, there are still times when I get the jitters before I file an article or publish a post.

Fear of Rejection is hardly the best mindset in such a competitive field

But as Healthline points out in their article on the topic, “Rejection hurts. There’s really no way around it.”

And I must agree.

Fortunately, though, it is possible to manage self-doubt

I know, for example, that my own problems with self-doubt aren’t related to the amount of experience I have as a writer. They are more ingrained — caused by a lack of self-esteem that started in my childhood.

And I’ve been writing for a long time. I started after the birth of my first child, when the distraction gave me an invaluable outlet to whinge about my inadequacies as a mother. It served as a therapy of sorts — a cathartic activity that kept me sane during my time in the wilderness, as I sunk slowly under the weight of expectation.

Writing allowed me to project my frustrations and fears onto something else, rather than my husband

And the benefits were three-fold. I found an outlet to vent, I made connections with other mothers — also struggling with a job everyone assumes should come naturally to women — as well as a supportive group of other amateur writers.

And eventually, I turned those whinges about motherhood into a non-fiction work about my difficulties called “Maternally-Challenged” — a kind of Bridget Jones parody about the anti-mother.

The manuscript was ahead of its time, but sadly, once it was in the shape required for publishing, the idea had been done a million times by much better writers than me. Hence, it would be another decade — on the back of several, stressful career changes, an assortment of mental health issues, and the challenges of raising our ADHD son — before I returned to writing.

My lighthearted musings metamorphosed into a blog

My light-hearted musings to friends back home in the UK about our new life in Australia — the horror of Huntsman spiders, the proliferation of bush turkeys, and the pain of Bluebottle stings — developed into more serious gripes about the Australian mental healthcare system, women’s issues, and discrimination, and I started to develop my craft.

Admittedly, it took months before I made my ramblings public, but…

The second I unleashed my first post on the world, I was addicted

And in between daily life and my children growing up, I continued to write, squeezing blog posts and pitches into my Sundays nights, taking courses, and trying to read anything I could get my hands on.

Over the past decade, my original manuscript has evolved into a novel, I have written the bones of two more novels, and the outline of a non-fiction book about ADHD. I have even found success with a selection of online Australian magazines, and won an award for fiction.

I won’t deny that the voice of self-doubt still knocks at my door, but fortunately, confidence grows with experience, and I’m lucky to have never lost my passion for the written word.

Below, are some of the coping mechanisms that have helped me overcome my self-doubt:

1. I stopped comparing my writing to other, more experienced writers. Instead, I force myself to read their writing and learn from it.
2. I try not to “run before I can walk” and see my writing career as an apprenticeship, with a necessary series of stepping stones.
3. I continue to learn about my craft to improve my writing — from other writers, courses, and experts.
4. I put my failures into perspective. This comes with experience and a greater knowledge of the industry. But I understand now that editors reject pitches for all sorts of reasons, not necessarily because your idea is poorly-crafted. Now, each time I send an article or pitch to an editor, I ask myself what’s the worst that can happen?
5. I remain committed. Fortunately, I am self-disciplined by nature. Sure, I have days when I struggle to open my lap top, but I don’t beat myself up about them.
6. I know my worth. After my long apprenticeship, I am better at ignoring the negative self-talk and staying focused on the road ahead.
7. I am realistic in my expectations.

In his TED talk, speaker and entrepreneur, Peter Sage, recommends his 3 ways to conquer self-doubt in more general terms. He says:

1. Stop putting the wrong things in, i.e., negativity or toxicity from your peer group, or doom-scrolling through the media,
2. Start putting the right things in, i.e., stuff that supports your greatness,
3. And get out the things that shouldn’t be there, i.e, if needs be, work through the problem with a coach or therapist.

Admittedly, I’m not yet signing copies of my books at writers festivals, but each day I see small improvements in my writing. My “voice” has evolved, I am more succinct, and each year I tick off new writing goals. Most importantly, my approach to the craft is more professional. I see rejections as part of the process, and I can now read the writing of other writers without feeling inadequate.

I won’t lie, I still get nervous about filing articles, and requests for minor changes can trigger weeks of sleepless nights, but…

Writing is a job, and I understand there must be a level of accountability

Writing books is my true passion, and despite my Imposter Syndrome and awareness of the low success rates in traditional publication, I continue to edit my works in the hope of one day becoming a published author as well as a published writer. After all, authors such as Toni Morrison, Laura Ingalls Wilder, and even Tolkien were published later in life.

And even though self-doubt continues to lurk like a shadow in the room, I am learning to ignore it

I may not be the best writer. To become an expert in any field requires time, craft, and commitment, and for some there is a longer set of stepping stones.

But as my son loves to remind me, “you have to be in it to win it” for any chance of success. This craft is a long game, and understanding your worth as a writer is the first stepping stone, and ultimately, the key to that success.

How do you overcome self-doubt?